By John Lyle Belden

Why am I even writing this?

Oh, right. They let us in for free. Got thoroughly doused with wet, cold, red, gelatin-fortified fake blood – right in the face, torso, and thoroughly in the crotch – at no charge.

However, if you are reading this, wishing to enjoy the same macabre shower, and you don’t have a ticket to Cryptid Entertainment’s production of “Evil Dead: The Musical,” well, you are pretty much out of luck. Every seat in the IF Theatre’s Basile main stage is covered in gore sold out, every show, except – possibly – the added final performance at midnight on Halloween.

Let me reassure you, though, if you are bothered by wild horror-based humor, R-rated hijinks, nasty words, near-nudity, horny trees, and FUN, then you have (metaphorically) dodged the bullet (and for-real a lot of wet ickiness). Dakota Jones and company can provide you more wholesome entertainment next month.

Since you are likely to miss it, I could frankly write anything here: that Chris Ritchie as Ash truly commits to the role by actually cutting off his hand every night (they sew it back on; these people are professionals!) or that Kylie Schweikarth intensely studied the Mike Rowe “crawlspace” commercials to perfect her lurking in the basement, or that Payton Ullman keeps an exorcist on speed-dial, or that Jess Hackenberg is so method that she took three and a half semesters of the Lost Enochian language to better evoke the Necronomicon, or that Suraj Choudhary managed to memorize the line “stupid b*tch” in Guiness World Record Time (look it up), or even that Tony Schaab’s passionate portrayal of the Moose was so moving the audience could not stay in their seats. And Jonathan Young’s Jake was indeed reliable, we just can’t publicly say at what.

Oh, but you do have a ticket and was just wondering what to expect? If I told you it was awful, would you give up your seats, because I’ve got these friends, and…

All, right, I’ll admit it. It was awesome.

Like “The Rocky Horror Show,” it’s a fully immersive theatre experience – but instead of the audience messing with the actors, the cast and crew mess with you! And it does get messy, reaching well into the seating. Don’t wear anything too delicate. The musical takes on the plots of “Evil Dead” and “Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn” with lots of nods to “Army of Darkness,” featuring Ritchie at his most Bruce Campbell-est and the others all camping it up, including songs and a zombie dance number. Unfamiliar with the films? It’s not a hard plot to follow.

And that Moose – give him the Tony!  

Find out more at indyfringe.org or the Cryptid Entertainment page on Facebook.